For example, if you’re trying to win her over just because you enjoy a challenge or because you want to get back at her current boyfriend for something, you’re probably not going to end up with a very happy or fulfilling relationship.
If you have the opportunity, try observing how your crush and her boyfriend seem together. Do you notice a lot of tension and awkward silences? Does he snap at her or put her down? Or do you see tons of laughter, smiles, and physical affection? It can also be helpful to talk to one of the girl’s close friends about how her relationship is going.
Make a lot of eye contact when you talk to her? Laugh and smile a lot when she’s with you? Look for opportunities to spend time with you? Open up to you easily? Touch you frequently?
Are you ready to deal with the pain that your actions will probably cause for her current boyfriend, and possibly for you and her as well? Are you confident that you will be able to build a stronger relationship with her than the one she already has? If she’s willing to leave her current boyfriend for you, are you prepared for the possibility that she might leave you for someone else in the future?
To make her feel more at ease, try inviting her out with other friends at first. That way, she won’t feel like you’re trying to ask her out on a date right away. For example, you might invite her to a party or a group movie night.
For example, if she says, “Hey, I don’t like the way you poke fun at my boyfriend,” don’t get defensive. Just apologize and stop doing it.
For example, if she says that she wants to become a doctor, don’t just say, “Oh, cool,” and move on. Ask her something like, “How did you get interested in medicine?” Don’t spend the whole conversation planning what you’re going to say next. Instead, focus on what she’s saying and respond to that. Put away your cell phone and any other distractions when you’re together.
For example, you might share a secret with her, admit to a flaw, or let her see you put yourself on the spot by trying something new. Don’t be afraid to let her see you get a little emotional. For example, if you’re watching a sad movie together and you get a bit choked up, don’t try to hide it from her!
Joking with her and teasing her playfully. If you try teasing her, keep it good-natured and light. Don’t say anything mean-spirited or make her the butt of a joke. Acting confident. Sit up straight and speak in a clear, strong voice. Keep your body language open and relaxed when you’re with her. Drawing attention to your mouth. This may sound odd, but getting her to notice your lips may get her thinking about kissing you. Smile a lot and touch your chin occasionally. If you have a drink, hold your glass by your mouth a couple seconds longer than you normally would.
For example, maybe you’ve noticed that her current boyfriend never jokes around with her. If you’re naturally funny, let that quality shine—she’ll probably appreciate being around someone who can get her to laugh. If her boyfriend doesn’t show much of an interest in her hobbies, show her that you’re different by asking questions or finding ways to participate. For example, you might say, “Oh, you like board games? I’ve been dying to try out Catan. Maybe we can play sometime!”
If you want to give her subtle hints, you can try offering her sincere compliments. For example, say, “Wow, Charlotte, you look so nice today!” or “Spending time with you always brightens my whole day. ” You can also try showing your attraction with physical touch—for example, you could put your hand on her shoulder or touch her hand for a moment while you talk. [13] X Research source Only do this if she seems comfortable with it, though. If you’re not good at making subtle hints and you feel pretty confident that she’s also interested in you, you can try simply confessing how you feel. Keep in mind that this could be a risky move, however!
Don’t put pressure on her! Even if she is interested in you, she’s already in the tough position of deciding between you and her current boyfriend. She’ll likely feel resentful and uncomfortable if you put her on the spot.
Let her know you care by being thoughtful and compassionate. For example, check up on her if you know she’s having a rough time, and make an effort to really listen if she wants to talk. Show genuine interest in her as a person. Talk to her about her interests, hopes, and dreams, and spend time doing things with her that she enjoys.
Don’t try to rush her or pressure her to get over it before she’s ready. You may not want to hear about her feelings for her ex, but remember, you need to be supportive if you want to be a good significant other. Listen if she wants to talk about it, and offer her a shoulder to cry on if she needs one.
For example, you might go camping together or go to a new fun spot in town that’s just opened up. You don’t have to do anything too elaborate—try surprising her with little gifts or a romantic evening at home now and then.
If you talk to your girlfriend about your feelings, use “I” language so that she doesn’t feel like you are pointing fingers or blaming her for how you feel. For example, say, “I sometimes feel anxious when you talk about your ex. I worry that you still have strong feelings for him. ”[19] X Research source Don’t make it a one-way conversation—be prepared to listen to what your girlfriend has to say, too, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
