If you ever used to daydream about fixing up a car, writing a book, or making your own wine from scratch, now is the best time to try those longer-term projects. If you don’t have any short-term hobbies to fill in the space between projects, why not pick up some from your childhood? Nobody’s around to think less of you for working on a model kit, filling in a coin collection, or trying to beat a difficult video game.
A penny on the railroad tracks won’t derail a train, in case you’re worried. [1] X Research source
Be sure to make time for hygiene, exercise, chores, and meals. Load up your days off with plenty of personal time. Don’t be too strict when scheduling your life, or you might get upset when things disrupt your plans. Instead, have a basic idea of how long each part of your day should take, and a regular order to those parts. Anything more is counterproductive.
There’s no need to be rude or insulting when you tell her this. Being polite but distant is a better approach, as it demonstrates that you aren’t doing it just to get a rise out of her. If she asks how long this change will be in effect, tell her it will take as long as it takes. There’s no way to put a strict date on when you’ll be able to be around her without feeling upset again. Sometimes it’s only for a month or two; in rare cases, it could be for the rest of your life. Be true to your word. Don’t call, text, e-mail, or write her back if she contacts you, unless you have a life-and-death reason for doing so. It will hurt when she realizes she can’t lean on you anymore, but she’ll be better off for it in the long run.
If you work together, ask your scheduling manager if you can change your weekly schedule. You don’t need to tell him or her about the breakup; just ask for different shifts. If you have classes together, be civil in class, but ask the teacher if there’s any way you can move your seat to be farther from where she sits.
Don’t ask your friends to choose one of you or otherwise “pick a side. ” It’s petty, cruel, and unfair to them. If they like both you and your ex-girlfriend, that’s their business.
By taking the initiative instead of waiting to be invited out, you’ll show your friends you still care about them. Additionally, you’ll have a greater amount of control over where you go and what you do together, which should help minimize the chances of running into your ex or anything that reminds you of her. Remember, there’s no harm in asking them to avoid getting both you and your ex together at parties and such. Just be civil, and don’t ask them to take sides. Try calling up people you haven’t seen as much lately. They’ll appreciate hearing from you, and you’re not likely to run into your ex-girlfriend around friends you didn’t hang out with together.
Aside from giving you more chances to get away from your solitude and be around others, it’s also a big ego boost to remind yourself that people like you even in the absence of your ex-girlfriend, and that you can still meet people and make friends without her there.
If you don’t have any useful space at home, try visiting a nearby park or schoolyard at a time when few other people are using it. Find an out-of-the-way corner and stay there for a while. If your personal space reminds you of your ex-girlfriend, rearrange it. Take down and hide anything that reminds you of your time together, and give the whole area a fresh look by moving furniture, changing decorations, or donating/selling extra stuff. Consider meditation during your personal time, to help you sort things out in your head. There are various meditation methods; the most basic is to sit and breathe evenly, focusing on the physical sensation of your own body, until your thoughts become clearer and less overwhelming.
Try keeping a tally of all the times you start to get in touch with your ex-girlfriend. The act of keeping track will remind you to stop. If your ex is the one getting in touch with you, things become more complicated. It’s best to avoid her as much as possible, if you can. Try to explain to her that you need more time to get over her. If she still cares at all, she’ll do her best to respect your wishes. If she doesn’t seem to be respecting your request, don’t be too angry with her. It usually means she is suffering almost as much as you are, and simply lacks your self-discipline.
Don’t worry about the quality of your writing. Grammar, word choice, and other such things don’t matter one bit. Once you’ve written out a whole diatribe, burn it or tear it into pieces and dump it. This act of “sending away” what you wrote is a very powerful psychological coping tool. Don’t send, or plan to send, any of your writing to your ex – not even a letter. Any movement you make towards her, even in bitterness or frustration, is a step in the wrong direction. Remember, you’re trying to cut the ties that bind, not tangle them.
Organize these items however you want. Try ordered lists, or just draw a big web of connected ideas. Every time you hit on something that really excites or interests you, take special note of it. You have the time and freedom to pursue these things again, now that you’re single.
Be absolutely sure your confidant is someone you can trust. You’re very vulnerable right now, and one casual word from him or her to the wrong person could come back around and hurt you. Make it clear that you want this to stay strictly between the two of you. Give yourself a few minutes to get started. You’ll feel embarrassed and silly at first, but if you talk for a couple of minutes and see that your confidant isn’t judging or ignoring you, the words will start coming faster than you can keep up.
Don’t think of happiness as a peak to be attained before calling it a day and heading back down; think of it as a prize to be won and carried with you on the rest of your journey.
Examine how your values have shifted. Having gone through a breakup with one type of woman, you probably have a good idea of the things you didn’t like about her personality. This means you’re probably eying women who have a different personality in that regard, which in turn means that you’ve learned from your past – a sure sign of personal growth. Realize that you know yourself better than ever before. You’ve looked into your own heart and sought to understand it. You’ve tallied your interests and goals, and made new friends without anyone there to affect your presence. In short, you know yourself now in a way that you didn’t before. You’re more poised, more possessed, and more confident as a result. Think about anything you spend your time on now that your ex would have scorned, laughed at, or not understood. You won’t be hiding that part of yourself from the next girl who comes along – and she’ll like you more for your forthrightness and unselfconscious attitude.
Put your best foot forward. You’ve learned a lot from getting through your breakup, but you’ll be pleasantly surprised to see that you’ve also learned a lot from the time you spent with your ex-girlfriend, too: Once you’ve truly accepted your breakup, you’ll find that your last relationship was a goldmine of useful information for wooing your next crush. Here are a few of the basic things that should come more naturally to you than ever before when trying to pick up a date: Good hygiene gets you past the first gate. Maintain it religiously. Smile and be animated when you talk to your crush. Take pride in your own life. Women like a man who seems complete even without a companion. Be witty. A quick wit will charm the pants off a woman who’s interested enough to pay attention to you – sometimes quite literally. Be good company. Don’t be self-conscious in the company of other men; instead, be outgoing and enthusiastic. Show that you have nothing to be afraid of.
If you find yourself thinking things like “she might be the one,” or constantly talking about her to everyone within earshot, you’re probably in too deep – especially if it’s only been a few weeks or months. Take a step back and make sure you’re actually happy with yourself in general, and not just with the fact that you’ve managed to get a new girlfriend. Girlfriends aren’t just tools for validating your life. On the other hand, don’t be afraid of commitment. If you’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months and you’re beginning to feel more attached to her, don’t hide it from her – or yourself. There’s nothing unusual about it.
