Talk to a friend, family member, or counselor about your feelings. Try writing down your feelings about the past. You can journal or write a letter to someone that hurt you (just don’t send it!). Even if you’re dwelling on good memories, it can cause you to lose connection with the present. You may find yourself romanticizing the past or longing for things to be the way they were, instead of focusing on how to improve your present life.
If you have to, write the person a letter or talk to the person about how her past actions. You don’t have to send the letter, but it will help you stop blaming her for the past and help you move toward the present and your happiness. [2] X Research source
If you find this hard, create a touchstone for yourself. For example, create a happy place that you can think that connects with your current life, such as your favorite reading place in your backyard. If you find yourself thinking too much about your past or worrying about the future, imagine the happy times you have there, or even picture yourself in that comforting place.
Studies show that suppression is a possible and learnable skill that can help you get away from memories or break from your past. The more you do it, the better at it you will get. Every time the bad memories come up, purposefully move them to the back of your mind. Train yourself to forget about the event and make a conscious effort to move your mind past it. [5] X Research source
If you’re having a hard time, make yourself physical reminders of the things in the present that you love and can focus on. Keep a copy of the book you’re reading with you. Print a picture of the place you most love to spend your time and look at it when you need to ground yourself. It may take some practice to come up with ideas and instances that don’t trigger your worries about future events. Just keep at it and you’ll get it right eventually. [7] X Research source [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Never be embarrassed to ask for help. Your mental health is very important and you should not feel strange about seeking help. It is very common and these professionals are there to help. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Trauma must be dealt with in its own way and usually requires professional assistance. It can sometimes take years for the symptoms of trauma to surface. You may have nightmares, disturbing thoughts, depression, phobias, anxiety, or flashbacks because of a traumatic event. Healing from past trauma can be a slow process, and it may be difficult to stop thinking about it for a while. Just trust that if you keep working on it, things will get better.
Empowerment: Your recovery is an opportunity for you to take back control. While guidance is important, you must be in charge of your healing. If your counselor suggests something that feels wrong or you’re just not ready to do, you don’t have to do it. Validation: Your experience may have been minimized or dismissed over the years. Your group or counselor can validate what happened to you and how the trauma has shaped your life. Connection: Experiencing trauma can be extremely isolating. Talking with others and sharing your story with people who understand can help you start feeling connected again.
You may need to talk about your trauma over and over – make sure the person you are talking to understands that this is important. Getting it off your chest one time is good, but you will need to keep re-visiting and talking about it. If there’s no one in your life you feel close to or trust, reach out to someone in your life that you really like. Ask them to do something fun and, if that feels good, invite them to do something else in the future. Spending time with this person can help you begin to form a close relationship. Be aware that talking about trauma with someone can cause them vicarious trauma, in which they experience symptoms of trauma from listening to your story of trauma. Try not to be offended if your friend can not listen to your story everyday. Family and friends are a great place to start, but if you are needing more support, a trauma counselor is trained to avoid vicarious trauma.
Do something creative, like painting, drawing, woodworking, needlepoint, or other crafts. Get some exercise. It doesn’t have to be intense – you could just go for a walk around the neighborhood. Or try running, swimming, playing a sport, dancing, hiking, or anything else that gets your body moving. Play with children in your family or a pet. This can have a very calming effect, which can make you feel better. Sing quietly or sing at the top of your lungs. Fill your lungs with fresh air and belt out your favorite tunes. Wear something that makes you feel good. Put on your favorite shirt or some jewelry that you enjoy wearing.
For example, take a walk and look at everything around you. If you are outside, look at the trees, the ground, and all the scenery. Feel the air on your skin. If you are inside, pay attention to the color of the walls, what sounds you hear from others in your area, or how the floor feels under your feet. This will help you stay focused on the present and be mindful of your current surroundings. [15] X Research source
It’s okay not to be thrilled with everything that happens to you every day. If you are doing a project at work that you don’t like or have an obligation you don’t enjoy, that’s okay. Instead of rushing past it, think about what you are doing each day and experience it. [17] X Research source
Even making subtle changes can help you break out. Change what you eat every day. Incorporate newly learned words into your vocabulary every day. Anything that can make you take notice of what you do on a daily basis will help you live in the now instead of the past or future. [19] X Research source If you don’t want to or can’t change your routine, become more mindful of your actions during your routine. Take note of how the oatmeal you eat every morning tastes or what the trees look like out the window on the way to work.
These are great moments to take in simple, small things in your present life. Avoid using your phone to pass the time. Instead, look around you at other people in line or in cars around you. Smile at someone or strike up a conversation with the person behind you in line. Keep trying things until you find the best way for you to stay in the present moment. [21] X Research source
Every time you see the reminder object, take a few seconds to focus on the sounds, smells, and sights around you. Take stock of how you feel and what you are doing. This will help you stay focused on your current situation and not dwell on the past or future. [22] X Research source
This is easier if you don’t multi-task. Multi-tasking can make you lose track of what you are doing and start thinking about other things, such as finishing the tasks or moving on to a different one. Try doing things slower. This will help you focus your attention on your actions in the present. [23] X Research source
Start by taking deep breaths in and out, focusing on the action. Push everything else out of you head and focus on the sound of your breathing. Eventually, everything else will fade away. Complete mediation takes time and practice. Don’t give up if you don’t experience that “zen” moment immediately, or even after a few months. Keep practicing and you will eventually begin to reap the (major) benefits of meditation. [26] X Research source
