Think about your own interests and passions. Maybe you’ve always loved playing softball with your younger brother. A number of popular girls at your school are on the softball team. Consider joining to bolster your popularity. You can also look into clubs outside of school. Maybe the most popular girl in your class takes dance lessons. You’re interested in dancing yourself, so think about getting involved in the local dance scene. This can help you make friends with people that may have an in with this popular girl.
This can be particularly helpful if you’re shy by nature. You may be a fascinating person who has a lot in common with the popular crowd, but if you tend to be socially reserved, that won’t matter. You need to reach out to others in order to make friends. Push yourself to become more social. Set goals for yourself. For example, promise yourself you will make conversation with the person whose locker is next to yours on Monday. Agree to sit with a bigger group than usual at lunch.
Think about who it would be easiest for you to befriend. Maybe you and Jacob don’t have a lot in common, but you have a lot in common with Jacob’s friend Trevor. You could try to foster a relationship with Trevor, and he can serve as your gateway to the popular group. Start slow, as you don’t want to overwhelm a potential new friend. Stick to small interactions. Maybe you and Trevor are both on the swim team. You could make a point of making small talk in the locker room, or during down time at practice. Be patient. It can take awhile for friendship to grow, but consistent interactions over time can help build a relationship.
Engage with popular kids on social media. Comment on someone’s Facebook status or like their Tweets. Focus on people you’re beginning to form friendships with. For example, if you and Trevor are pretty friendly at swim practice, try talking to him online after school. As you begin to hang out with the popular kids, take and post lots of pictures of you hanging out with the popular kids. Soon, they’ll forget that you were not initially part of their group.
If you’re a good singer or dancer, try out for the school musical. If you’re a strong leader, go out for student council. Focus on how your talents can help you solidify your identity. If you’ve always had a knack for making others laugh, do stand up at talent shows. You can become the class clown, which may make you greatly appealing to the popular group.
At first, lay low a bit. Participate in conversation, but do not try to be the center of attention. Attend group get-togethers, but allow yourself to socialize with a few key people in the background. Do not try to engage in things like inside jokes until you’ve been in the group awhile. Eventually, you’ll become an established member of the group. At this point, you can begin to be more bold and interact more freely. However, such comfort and intimacy with others must build over time. Do not try to force it when you first join the group.
In addition to not helping your quest for popularity, bullying has other consequences. Students who are bullied can develop serious problems as a result, and you do not want to hurt someone just to be popular. You could also get into trouble with your school if you pick on other students. Bullying is just not worth it.
Offer to do things no one else wants to do. For example, say the popular group is planning a party. They need someone to stand by the door and let in guests, which is a job no one likes. Volunteer to do it. The popular kids will appreciate you taking this grueling task off their hands. Use any talents you have to help out others. If you’re great at chemistry, offer to help a popular boy who struggles with the subject with his homework. However, do not let popular students take advantage of you. You want to look agreeable and genuinely kind and not like a pushover. Do not, for example, do someone’s homework for them.
Say “Hi!” to everyone you see at school or work, even people you don’t know. Don’t just talk about yourself. Listen and ask questions when you’re speaking with other people. Remember details people have shared with you and ask about them later. For example, “Hey, you mentioned your cat was getting spayed this weekend? How is she doing?” Try to make every person you talk to feel like the most important person in the room. Do not go on your phone during conversation. Make eye contact with the person you’re talking to and pay attention to everything they say.
The formula for being funny is truth+time=laughter. Try to say something honest, quickly. It can help to watch funny TV shows, movies, and stand up comedians. This can help you get a sense of comedic timing. Only use your comedy for good – don’t be the person who puts other people down to get a laugh. Do not use humor as a form of bullying, as this is unlikely to win you friends.
Take something you notice about a person and use that to formulate your compliment. For example, say something like, “I noticed you’re really good at baseball. You must train really hard. " Do not be shy about telling people how you feel. If you really appreciate how hard a student worked on her presentation, say so. People are drawn to people who are positive and genuine.
To become more charismatic, stay in the present during conversation. You give off subtle cues when your mind wanders, so genuinely pay attention to what others are saying. You should look like you’re listening, but avoid nodding too much while talking to someone. This can make you look overeager and nervous. If you start to get bored or if you tend to tune out during conversations, focus on the physical sensation in your toes for two seconds. This can help bring you back to your body and help you stay more present. Make eye contact. People are interested in people who are interested in them. Making eye contact throughout a conversation can make you appear attentive and genuinely invested in what the other person is saying.
Eat fruits and veggies every day. They can improve the quality of your skin. Keep any facial hair you might have neat and trimmed. Take good care of your dental hygiene. People tend to be more drawn to people with dazzling smiles.
You don’t have to copy the popular kids’ outfits, but take a moment to observe what they wear. You want to choose clothing that is personal and unique to you, while still following some trends and being appropriate and flattering for your body. Look in fashion magazines and online to keep abreast of trends and to look for outfit inspirations. Pick trends that work well for you. If you have bigger hips, leggings may look awkward on you. However, something like an infinity scarf can be cute and preppy. If you don’t have the money to overhaul your wardrobe, try trading some of your clothes with a friend for a cheap and instant wardrobe update.
Find an exercise regiment you like and stick to it. Play around with new forms of exercise, like yoga or pilates or lifting weights. Join a sports team. Teams are a great way to not only stay in shape, but to make friends with other popular kids and expand your social circle.
