Instead of ordering your favorite take out, eat in the restaurant. Make a habit of going for a walk around the neighborhood in the evenings. Think of the whole world as your playground, not just your own backyard. Get out and enjoy the sights-you’ll end up meeting people in the process. Follow a few potential friends on social media or DM someone you’ve always wanted to get to know.
Be wary of declining invitations too often; people may eventually stop asking. Accept that you’ll need to inconvenience yourself from time to time in order to spend time with potential friends. Usually the inconvenience stops once you’re together and having a good time. [3] X Research source Let others change you. Sometimes, especially if you have emotional walls up, making a good friend requires letting someone break them down. [4] X Research source When someone is trying to connect, they may be trying to bring you out of your shell. Let them in, and share your more intimate thoughts and desires with them.
Even if you feel nervous, try to recognize the feeling and push through it. [6] X Expert Source Christy Irvine, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 April 2021.
If you’re a mom, you can join a mothers club. A mothers club is a place for mothers to get together to discuss their kids, problems they’ve been having or what they’ve been doing, as well as just spending time with other mothers and getting to know each other and share stories. If you appreciate literature, join a local book club where you can hang out and discuss the month’s readings.
Being more present in your community can make a huge difference in your ability to find good friends. Being a member of the same local community means you will always have something to talk about.
Relate to your occupation, especially if you are in a specialized field. Focus on a particular sport or hobby that you like. Are populated by people who are in your age group, or share similar backgrounds.
If you’re into sports, join an intramural or amateur league for your sport of choice. If you’re a veteran, hanging out at the local VFW is a great way to meet fellow service members. If you live in a place with lots of outdoor possibilities, hiking the trails, skiing, swimming or engaging in other outdoor activities regularly can put you in contact with other outdoor enthusiasts (and help you stay in shape, too). Spending active time with a new friend, or even someone you’ve known for a while, will help take your relationship to a higher level.
When you introduce yourself, embrace understatement. Usually saying less is best. When you talk too much about yourself right off the bat, it will make you seem overly egotistical. [12] X Research source A simple “Hi, I’m Steve,” is way more likely to lead to conversation than, “Hi, I’m Steve. Well, let’s get this party started. I just had a long day making some major business deals with some really important clients from overseas and having my new Jaguar tuned up. What do you do?” Which of the two would you feel more comfortable in responding to? Be aware of the situation when you introduce yourself. If you’re at a company party, say, “Hi, I’m Steve from accounting. ” Likewise, if it’s a random situation, don’t feel the need to create a context-if you’ve been introduced at a bar for instance, just stick with “Hi, I’m Steve, nice to meet you”, and focus on the other person rather than declaring your job title or what you did that day. Ask questions and listen. When you meet new people, always try to listen more than you talk. Don’t demand information, but use a simple, “What do you like to do?”-and then listen with genuine interest. [13] X Expert Source Christy Irvine, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 April 2021. Being a good listener is a sure way to get someone on your side. [14] X Research source
Be confident in approaching people, but not overbearing. No one likes to feel like they are being pursued or harassed by someone they don’t know. Observe people’s body language when you approach them. If a person won’t look you in the eye, or seems like they want to disengage from the conversation, let them. When someone speaks to you with an open posture and looks at your face, especially into your eyes, it can be a good indicator that they are willing to engage further. People will often keep their arms crossed when they feel uncomfortable or closed off, or hunch their shoulders and look down. [15] X Research source When you see signs of discomfort or avoidance, don’t react with your own annoyance, even if your feelings get hurt a little. Don’t push it-respect others’ body language and nonverbal communication signs; you never know what else is going on with someone to make them unwilling to engage.
How do they behave? Do you find the person interesting based on how they act? How do you feel about their demeanor? How do you feel interacting with the other person? Good friends often are made “naturally”. The two of you simply hit it off, and find that you are comfortable and engaged around one another.
If a person mentions going to the theatre, and you like acting, it might lead to something like, “Really? I was in a production of that two years ago! I love that play!” It doesn’t need to be that specific, simply expressing a mutual interest can go a long way.
Let your senses guide you. Sometimes someone will just open up to you when they, too sense a connection. Reciprocate intimacy. Sharing intimate or personal stories and experiences creates a bond between people. [17] X Research source Everyone experiences pain, fear, loneliness- and sharing that common humanity with someone is what becoming close, good friends is all about.
If you had a good first meeting or introduction, and the other person seems interesting in getting to know you better, take it to the next level and make plans to hang out.
If you both like sports, see if they want your extra ticket, or come with you to a game. Engage in recreational activities together on a weekend. Get out for a hike, go kayaking or canoeing, or catch a movie together. Grab some lunch.
Be casual, have fun, and let things develop as they will. Just like with dating, becoming good friends can’t be forced or manipulated-when it’s there, it’s there, if not, not. The same goes for the other person-if you feel like you’re being pushed into something you’re not ready for, back away. Don’t feel obligated to always meet the other person’s demands because you want a friend. If they’re truly your friend, they will want you to do what’s best for you.
Make a point of sharing personal and intimate stories. Telling life experiences to each other, especially if they involve less than comfortable subjects, and being honest are useful strategies for connecting on a deep level. [18] X Expert Source Christy Irvine, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 April 2021. [19] X Research source Remember, being good friends isn’t about showing only the best parts of yourself and your life; it’s the struggles that we’ve all experienced that connect us through our humanity.
Be there for them as well. It’s important to view friendship as a two way street. Treat your new friend as you want them to treat you. Don’t sweat the hassle of making plans. Arranging and deciding on times and places to meet can be logistically tricky, especially if your or the other person has a busy work schedule, or if there are more than two people involve. Keep building on your relationship, and keep budding relationships. Once you’ve gotten together some, keep hanging out, keep getting in touch, and keep letting your relationship grow. If you have several people that you get together with occasionally, it’s likely that that special friendship will grow out of these. It takes some effort, but keep after it, and you’ll end up with a good, sturdy, long-lasting friendship. [21] X Research source
