Consider things like: Have you experienced trauma? Crisis? A major loss? Is there a current situation or a situation in the past that has upset your daily life? Examine your childhood and your relationship with your parents. Were they supportive? Were they hard on you or did they push you to succeed? Look at the list. Try to determine what seems to trigger insecurity — look for connections between times when you felt insecure and what was going on in your life and what other emotions you were experiencing. When do those feelings arise? Who are you with? What are you doing? For example, do you always feel insecure around your older sister? Or do you feel insecure about your body after looking at magazines? Maybe your insecurities arise from comparing yourself to others.
Maybe you had or have a co-worker who constantly puts you down. Make an active choice to eliminate that part of your life. Ask your boss if you can work on a different project or team. If that is not possible, say to yourself, “I am making a choice to ignore the negative things that Tom says to me. "
Remember that optimism is a choice. Instead of thinking, “I’ll never get out of here,” try saying, “I’m going to appreciate my new city a lot when I do get to move someday. " Try using positive words. For example, you can say, “I am hopeful that someday I will be able to move to a new place that I am excited about. "
Does your insecurity stem from the fact that you have always struggled with sports? Try to accept the fact that some people just aren’t athletic. Say to yourself, “It’s ok that soccer isn’t my thing. I can still have fun cheering on my friends!”
Leave post-it notes around your house that say things like, “I’m an honest and loyal friend” or “I am a really hard worker. " Whenever you have a negative thought about yourself, read one of the notes. It might make you feel more positive.
Your therapist can help you insecurities, identify your strengths, and stay focused on your positive traits.
We all make mistakes. It’s a fact of life. When you forget to pick up the groceries you need for dinner, try not to be hard on yourself. Instead, try thinking, “It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll have a sandwich tonight, and make sure I remember the groceries tomorrow. "
This also includes taking care of things like bathing and personal hygiene, eating well, taking any necessary medications, keeping appointments, and so on. Make time for yourself everyday. Choose an activity that is relaxing to you. For example, allow yourself time to read a chapter of a novel each day. Or try taking a relaxing bubble bath.
Walk more. Take a stroll around the block at lunchtime. Try walking to the movies instead of driving. Take a class. Learn to love a new type of exercise. Consider taking a barre or HIIT class at your local studio or gym.
For example, maybe your older sister makes you feel insecure with her frequent put downs. The next time she says, “Don’t let Linda be in charge of dinner. She’s a horrible cook!”, speak up. You can say, “I’d love to host Thanksgiving this year. I’ve been working really hard to become a better cook, and I think I’m getting good!”
For example, a short-term goal might be: “I will talk to at least two new people each week. ” A long-term goal could be, “I will improve my work performance and one year from now I will ask for a raise. ”
For instance, think about your relationship with your parents. Do you feel insecure because they constantly put you down? Or maybe your issues stem from work. Do you have a coworker who refuses to recognize your contributions to the team?
If your brother is part of the problem, try to limit contact with him and focus on the family members who are supportive. You can tell your Mom, “I’m sorry I can’t make the family picnic next Saturday. But I’d love to spend some one on one time with you. Can I take you to dinner next week?”
For example, you might say to your sister, “I need you to support me in my efforts to get in shape. Can you be a positive workout buddy for me?” Maybe it makes you feel bad when your husband is always late for date night. Try saying, “Sam, can you try to be on time for dinner Thursday? I want to feel like date night is a priority for you. "
For example, if your dad causes you some anxiety you could set this boundary: “Instead of meeting Dad for dinner, I will meet him for a brief coffee break. That way, I can set a clear time limit. " Maybe you are insecure about your dancing skills. Make a deal with yourself: attend your friend’s wedding, but come up with a gracious way to decline invitations to hit the dance floor.
