Jealousy is the overwhelming fear that another person may take something away from you that you consider of importance. For most people, it is a normal human response to experience the feelings of jealousy from time to time. However, for a few others, jealousy can be destructive in life, often interfering with their normal functioning. It is when jealousy becomes overpowering, making it difficult for you to engage and function normally that you may need to think about seeking professional support for help. Envy is that emotion you may feel of wanting something that someone else has. It is common for the feeling of envy to spark other emotions such as sadness, while jealousy is more associated with feelings of anger and resentment.
For instance, you might want to quietly admit your jealous feelings to yourself to avoid the embarrassment that might accompany such an admission. Try to figure out what underlying issues this might be bringing up that are making you feel this way. [3] X Research source On the other hand, you might want to confess your feelings to a therapist or a close friend. Doing so might help you feel as though you’ve lifted a weight off your shoulders in a more substantial way than you might if you simply acknowledged your jealousy to yourself in private. Depending on the depth of your jealousy and the level of your friendship, you might want to admit your feelings to the friend you’re jealous of. If you and your friend are very close and have a very open and honest relationship, you might choose to confess your feelings to them directly. You might, for instance, say, “I am very jealous of your good looks. ”
Consider the information you’ve obtained and identify ways to find healthy coping skills and solutions to your issues.
If you don’t feel comfortable asking someone else for reassurance directly, think back on times when you’ve been complimented on your style, or reflect on times when you felt pleased and confident in the way you dressed.
For instance, if your friend is a great swimmer, you might be jealous of that ability. But if you are a great writer, they might be jealous of your ability. Recognize that everyone has different talents and abilities, and not everyone has the same opportunity to develop the same skills. Remember, just because your friend has earned praise or recognition doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve praise or recognition, or will never meet with praise or recognition. This process occurs over a long period during which you will gradually adjust your attitude in order to overcome jealousy.
To forgive yourself, see that your friend’s situation - like yours - is based largely on contingencies that are out of their control. For instance, if your friend has a great relationship, you might feel envious that you do not have a great relationship (or even any relationship at all). Instead of looking at your friend’s success as an indictment of you, look at it as merely good luck for them. They just happened to be in the right place at the right time to meet the person they went on to have such a great relationship with.
For instance, the next time the friend you’re jealous and not happy for invites you out, say, “No thank you. I think I’ll be staying in tonight. ” Spend the time apart from your friend contemplating your relationship with them and reflecting on all the great things about your friendship. [8] X Research source
If you believe that your jealousy is so overpowering that you might betray it in your friend’s presence, just send them an email or text message to let them know that you are glad for them.
For instance, when your friend announces that they got a scholarship, you might reason to yourself, “I have been a good friend to them, and without me (and their many other friends), they might not have been driven to get that scholarship. ”
For example, a friend, co-worker, or classmate of yours may seem to have an awesome life, but he may be secretly struggling with many things. Don’t assume that all those rumors and things you see of the outer-world are true. Everyone has struggles with something, and you have no idea what that person’s inner-world might be like.
For example, when you think, “My friend is really good at dancing. Unfortunately, I am a terrible dancer,” immediately stop and say to yourself, “It’s okay that she is a better dancer than I am. Her skill does not make me jealous. With practice, I can become just as great a dancer as she is. ” This pattern of behavior will help you take control of your negative feelings as they emerge so that you can feel happy for your friend instead of jealous.
Over time, tamping down your feelings around your friend will erode the trust you two should share together as friends. This realization will inspire you to feel happy for your friend rather than jealous.
You might also choose to engage in this sort of gratitude exercise before going to bed each night. Everyone has something to be grateful for in their lives. Instead of fixating on the things you do not have, take some time each day to think and create a list of all the things you are grateful for. For every feeling of jealousy that may pop up, put conscious effort into replacing it with a thought of gratitude.
For instance, you might say, “I am a good person and I am possessed of many useful skills. ” Your positive affirmations might also be more general, such as “Today will be a wonderful day. ”
Improving your sleep habits. If you get less than eight hours of sleep per night, you are more likely to be stressed and irritable the following day. Changing your diet. Poor nutrition can multiply stress. Eat mostly fruits and veggies, and avoid processed foods loaded with salt, fat, and sugar. Stick to whole grains (whole wheat bread, brown rice, whole wheat pasta) and avoid refined wheat and grains (white bread, white rice). Talking to others about your feelings. Even after you’ve admitted that you have feelings of jealousy regarding your friend, you are likely to continue feeling that way for some time. To cope with these feelings, unburden yourself to another friend family member, or counselor.
