For example, you could say to them, “You never have to worry about me loving you any less, especially just because I married someone. You will always be my child and I will always love you, no matter what. ” It may take you saying this more than once, but eventually your child should understand. [1] X Research source
Show them your relationship is a constant by not breaking your routine. Changing anything about your relationship with your children after you are married can send the message that they aren’t a priority to you anymore.
Consider trying to help your stepchildren and children become closer. Invite them on outings with you, ask them all to come over to your home, and encourage them to spend time together. Avoid pushing the topic if it is clear that they do not like each other and don’t want to make the effort of building a relationship. [2] X Research source Remember that this will all take time, but by initiating the first contact you are paving the way for possible future relationships.
For example, you could say to them, “I understand you’re not too fond of my new spouse. However, your behavior towards them is not only disrespectful to them, but it’s disrespectful to me, as well. You don’t have to like them, but I want you to show respect. ” Asking your children to welcome your new spouse into the family isn’t too much to ask, and you shouldn’t feel bad about doing so. [3] X Research source In fact, not speaking up might align you with your children against your spouse.
For instance, you could say, “My new spouse makes me happy, and I wish you could be happy about that. Your being upset brings stress and sadness into my life. I can’t be completely happy until you are happy for me, so I wish you could be. ”[4] X Research source
Also point out that they don’t have to worry as much about you because you aren’t alone. You have someone with you to keep an eye on you and help you if you become sick or hurt. [5] X Research source
You likely don’t need to rely on them as much anymore now that you are remarried. That may take some of the pressure off of them. [6] X Research source
For instance, you could say, “I know you care about me and worry that I’ve made a mistake. However, I am able to take care of myself and trust my decision. ” Hopefully what you say will put their minds at ease and allow them to begin accepting your new spouse. [7] X Research source
When the other parent has died, children fear that a new spouse will try to fill the space of their other parent. Reassure them that you and your spouse will honor the parent who passed away. Let your children know that you do not expect them to love your spouse in the same way they loved their own parent. Be especially mindful if this new relationship came quickly after the loss of their parent. If more time has gone by, you can expect and request more understanding from them.
You can try saying, “My husband is not trying to be your other parent. Instead, he just wants to be a part of your life in a different way. We respect the relationship you have with your father. We are not trying to interfere with that. ”
You may also consider talking about your prenuptial agreement, if you have one. This would prevent your new spouse from receiving a good part of what you own should you become divorced. Talking about this with your children may help them feel better about the situation. [8] X Research source
By being together with them away from your spouse, you show them that they will not take a backseat because of your relationship. [9] X Trustworthy Source Chabad. org Online resource for information related to Chabad-Lubavitch and Jewish culture Go to source
