You might say, “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. Is everything okay?” Stick to what you have observed and avoid making assumptions. You may bring in other people’s observations if needed. This may also be a good time to ask, “Have you thought about going to talk to somebody about that?” This offers a great benchmark for bringing up the subject later when you have done some research or looked up possible counselors.
Also, providing a possible name to what your friend is experiencing may give them a sense of hope that they can get better. Print out the symptoms of the condition you believe your friend may be suffering from and let them see. Having this type of evidence may convince them that they need help. [1] X Research source
Go into the conversation knowing full well that your friend may deny that anything is wrong with them, yell at you, ask you to leave, and threaten to end your friendship. Walking in with the worst-case scenario already in your head may better prepare you for it, if it happens. [2] X Research source If your friend does resist you, don’t push them. If they’re not ready for therapy, it’s not going to be helpful for them right now. Let them come to it on their own. [3] X Expert Source Tracy Carver, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 7 January 2021.
Keep the lines of communication open and let your friend know that they can talk to you any time if they change their mind.
Again, keep in mind that your friend may not feel comfortable with you involving others. Only do this if you believe your friend is in danger of hurting themselves or someone else.
For example, you could say, “I’m really concerned that you may be struggling with depression. I’ve noticed certain behaviors in you and I think it would be helpful if you could talk to a professional. Could you do that for me?”[6] X Research source
For instance, never say the person is “crazy” or a “lunatic. ” They might even say something like, “You think I’m crazy,” and it is important to let them know that you absolutely do not think that. Similarly, don’t call your friend a “drunk” or a “druggie. ” Instead, you could say they haven’t been acting like themselves, or you feel like they’ve been indulging in alcohol or drugs excessively. [7] X Research source
Be respectful of your friend’s privacy regarding these appointments as well. Your friend may not want you there or they might not want to talk about the appointment at all.
For example, take at least one night off a week to do things you enjoy such as taking a relaxing bubble bath or seeing a movie at the cinema. Tell your friend they won’t be able to reach you. Be sure to give them another number they can call in case of emergencies, like another friend, relative, or crisis hotline. Be aware of codependent behaviors as well. As you are helping your friend, it is possible to fall into a pattern where you are enabling them.
