For instance, if you recently got a speeding ticket, tell your parents immediately. You don’t want them to risk finding out in other ways. Say “I am so sorry, but I got a speeding ticket coming home today. I didn’t notice how fast I was going, and I apologize. I understand if I need to be punished. ” Follow up with “In the future, I will pay careful attention to my speeding, and even try to drive below the speed limit. " Be honest, even when you haven’t made a mistake. Opening up about your thoughts and feelings can help create trust between you and your parents.
For instance, even when your parents are giving you a long lecture about something, don’t get on your phone or daydream. Focus on their words and apply their advice. Practice active listening by reflecting what you’re hearing back to them and confirming that’s what they’re saying. This helps them know that you’re invested. At the end of the conversation, thank them for their help and advice.
You might say something like “I did pretty well on my Calculus exam today, but I was hoping to do better. I’m kinda bummed that I got a B and not an A. ”
Say “Dad, I’m really sorry for breaking curfew. There is no excuse for me being that late, especially since you extended it. I know I’m grounded right now, but when that’s done I promise to always be on time in the future. I want you to be able to trust my word. "
If you go above and beyond now, they will be more likely to let you have more leeway in the future. Be consistent when you go beyond their expectations, so they don’t think you’re doing extra just to get what you want.
Be especially sure to do this if your parents pay your cell phone bill. You never know if it’s an emergency, so be sure to answer in case they need you. The more you pick up/respond immediately, the less they will call/text in the first place! Call or text them spontaneously for a similar effect.
If your parents ask you for something that you don’t want to or can’t do, try to amend it. Be explicit and propose an alternative, but accept their decision if they disagree with you.
If you go somewhere else, let them know, even if you don’t think it’s important.
If your dad doesn’t want you speaking to strangers, set up your account so only friends can message you. Use your accounts wisely.
Start developing your own reminder system. Set alerts on your phone, keep a calendar, use post-it notes for visual clues, or something else! Find a system that works for you.
Say “Mom, I’m really sorry for breaking the lamp. I know it can’t be fixed, but I can save the money to buy a new one. ” Accepting responsibility and holding yourself accountable is a great way to show your parents that you’re mature.
For instance, if you forgot to clean your room and your Dad got mad, clean it thoroughly now. Go above your parent’s expectations. Keep this behavior up without having to be told.
Keep the peace with others to show to your family that you are mature and able to resolve conflict well.
Let your parents meet your friends and develop their own relationships with them. This will show them that you have nothing to hide.
