Having a strong friendship as a core to your relationship will help you tell each other everything and give time and attention to each other easily while looking forward to being with each other. Give your partner the best gift of friendship, the gift of total and complete acceptance. Accept her as she is without expecting anything in return to strengthen your relationship by strengthening your friendship.
Promises could be small or large in perspective but realize that making a promise is long term and can affect both you and her future. If you tell your girlfriend you will make it to her birthday celebration, be there. If you offer to help her move her things to a new place, do that. Words and actions that match establish trust.
A lie is a lie, big or small. Rethink telling her that you were with your guy friends the other night when you were really with a girl from class as a part of study group. Never answer a question with a lie. Betrayal, even the smallest kind, can derail a relationship and cause your girlfriend to distrust you completely, especially if it touches on a scar from a past relationship that hasn’t yet healed. And it is hard to recover from.
Not presenting facts from the start makes you look deceptive and like you were hiding something. Even something small could look ten times worse if you aren’t honest about it from the start. [3] X Research source Keeping your girlfriend in the loop to support you during challenges is equally important in moments of joy as well. Not only will you feel like you matter, but she’ll feel like she matters too because you share those special moments, like getting a promotion or receiving an acceptance letter from a school you’ve been dying to get into, with you too. [4] X Research source
Just be forthcoming and, on the day of, state: “I’m grabbing coffee with Sasha today. Cool?” It is a simple way to be honest while showing her that her opinion matters at the same time. If you aren’t hiding, she doesn’t need to be unnecessarily concerned so keep her up to date on what you’re doing with the opposite sex, even if you are just friends.
Ask her for her story and listen to her fears. From a place of concern ask her: “I know you’ve been hurt before, can you share with me what exactly happened?” Suggest that she see someone professionally or read books to help her with coping strategies and to assist her in discovering why her past plays such a huge role in the present relationship you have with her. [8] X Research source
The road to trust is a long process that will encounter setbacks and obstacles along the way. It is a slow process as well, so don’t expect an overnight turnaround in her ability to trust you more. If it takes her a while to take down her guard for you, be understanding and patient about it. Encourage her to share more parts of herself by sharing more personal details about yourself.
Ask her how she is doing or about her day. When she is feeling distant or withdraws out of fear, ask her gently how you can help: space, closeness? Treat her with soft kisses, sweet compliments, and romantic date day or date night excursions.
Be honest about your intentions with your girlfriend now. You might have made a mistake, but you love her and want to make things work. For example: “I know I lied about who she was to me and I know that dishonesty hurt you, but I promise nothing happened and I really want to make things work with you because I love you. You’re the only woman I want. I’m sorry I jeopardized that with my actions. Please forgive me. ”[13] X Research source Give her space. If she would like time to decide what her next move is, allow her as much as she needs.
Talk about what made you do what you decided to do. What were you feeling? Scared? Overwhelmed? Insecure? Relay those feelings to your partner to gain sympathy and understanding. For example: “I felt like it was okay to go out with another girl because honestly, I’ve been feeling disconnected from our relationship lately and I’ve just wanted a break. Maybe it was self-sabotage in a way…” Talk about why the betrayal won’t happen again in the future. Disclose how her pain has made you feel – how awakening it’s been, etc. For example: “I see how distraught and offended you feel by my actions. I don’t want to be the one that hurts you ever again. I don’t want to do this to us ever again. It’s really opened my eyes about what I have with you and what I don’t want to lose. ”
Note how much more difficult it is to earn back trust once you are the one who caused to be lost. Rely on the negative feelings that came about as a result of your betrayal and the potential of the loss of the relationship to keep you from doing it again.
