When you’re among different crowds of people, act the same way you act when you’re alone, or when you’re with other groups. We’ve all experienced the social pressure to act a certain way, or seen a friend suddenly fawn over a successful business contact you were moments ago trash-talking in a private conversation. Be consistent in your personality, regardless of who’s around. Try incorporating practices like breathing exercises, gratitude journaling, and meditation into your daily life. These can help you find more positivity in your life, which can in turn help you get along better with others. [1] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-CamachoCareer & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
Ask lots of questions. Even if you’re talking to someone you know well, learn as much as you can by asking questions, follow up questions, and personal questions. People like to feel interesting when they’re listened to. Showing a genuine interest in what other people have to say will earn you respect. Follow up specific questions like “How many siblings do you have?” with deeper questions that show you’re interested. Ask, “What are they like?” Follow up on conversations. If someone recommends a book or album to you, shoot them a quick text when you’ve read a few chapters to let them know what you think of it. [2] X Research source
Show others that you’re concerned about them and not just yourself. Be honest in your compliments. Overly enthusiastic blanket praise of anything someone does won’t earn you respect, but might give you a reputation as a brown-noser. When something genuinely impresses you, Try to compliment actions, deeds, and ideas rather than superficial things like possessions or looks. Saying, for instance, “You’ve got such a great sense of style,” is better than “That’s a nice dress. "
Notice people’s body language. If people are upset or frustrated, they might not always be willing to voice their frustration. If you can learn to notice this, you can adjust your behavior appropriately. Make yourself available for emotional assistance if it’s required, and back off if it isn’t. If your friend has just ended a messy relationship, gauge their needs. Some people will want to blow off steam by talking about it endlessly and wallowing in the details, in which you might lend a sympathetic ear. Others might want to ignore the matter and go about their business solo. Don’t pester them. There’s no right way to grieve.
Call or text your friends just to chat. Send them funny links on Facebook or other social media, just to let them know you’re thinking of them. Keep your family updated on your successes and failures, especially if you live in different places. Talk to your parents and let them know how you’re doing at school, what you’re feeling about your relationship. Let people into your life. Treat work friends as real friends. Don’t just hit them up when you need to find out what time you’re supposed to show up next week, or to find out what you missed at the last meeting. Learn about their lives and treat them with respect to earn respect yourself.
If you need to cancel or otherwise change your plans with someone, try not to get in the habit of using white lies or coming up with excuses to get out of it. If you said you’d come out drinking on Friday night but now would rather curl up with a bowl of popcorn and watch TV, it’s OK to say, “I don’t really feel like going out tonight” and make concrete plans for later in the week. Always try to give an ample margin.
Alternatively, learn to take a step back and focus on the talents of others. If you’re known as a reliable person, people might call on you for all sorts of things while other talented people hesitate to step up to the plate. Invite them in by calling on them for help, or suggesting them as possible candidates for the job. This will earn you respect from both parties.
If you finish something early and have extra time, take advantage of it. Often, we wait till the last minute to write an essay or start working on a project and cram to finish it all. Give yourself false deadlines to “finish” early and then use the extra time you’ve earned yourself to really polish it and make it shine. Even if you end up coming short of your goals, if you exhaust your ideas and efforts, at least you’ll know that you did your best and threw everything you had into that presentation or paper, which is something that will earn you respect.
Do things for others without being asked. This shows that you’re a considerate person who cares for and respects others. This will cause others to view you in a more positive light, increasing their respect for you.
Remind yourself that actions speak louder than words. You won’t need to play up your abilities if you show them through your actions. For example, a person who fixes people’s computers doesn’t have to tell everyone that they have excellent computer skills.
Sitting back and letting other people talk will also give you a leg up by allowing them to reveal themselves to you, giving you the opportunity to understand them and relate to them a little better. If you’re a quiet person, learn to speak out when you’ve got something to add. Don’t let humility and a desire to be a stony stoic get in the way of you sharing your perspective. People won’t respect you for that.
If you can do something by yourself, don’t ask for help. On the other hand, you should ask for help when you really need it. This shows people that you’re humble and know your limits. It also shows that you’re open to being vulnerable with others. This will gain people’s respect. [3] X Research source
