Don’t just say “I’m sorry” because you think it’s the right thing to do – say it because you mean it. If you’re not sincere, she’ll be able to tell. When you tell her you’re sorry, look into her eyes, speak slowly, and face your body toward her so she knows she has all of your attention. You don’t have to say that you’re sorry a hundred times – it’s about quality, not quantity. Let her know that you understand all of the pain and suffering that you’ve caused her. If she doesn’t think you understand her pain, she won’t want to listen to you. Though you shouldn’t make this all about you, let her know that you’re feeling real pain because of your mistake.
Being honest about why you lied will make her feel like you’re more likely to be honest in the future. Letting her know your motives will help her understand your perspective. Know when it’s better not to be honest. If you just wanted to get with another girl because you were feeling bored or restless, then it’s better to keep that to yourself.
Be sincere when you tell her this. Don’t make an empty promise. Let her know that you understand that actions speak louder than words, but make it clear that from now on, your actions will match your promises.
Again, make it clear that you know this won’t happen overnight, but that you want to put in the work because earning her trust back is the most important thing to you.
You can check in with a text or a phone call every few days, but only if she does sound like she wants to talk to you – however reluctantly. If you want to be sweet, you can send her flowers, but don’t overdo it. If she’s really angry, then she won’t be ready for your gifts. You can do something small, like write her a letter, to let her know that she’s on your mind without overwhelming her. If you do run in to her, be kind and friendly, but don’t talk to her for too long or make her feel like she’s getting ambushed.
Even if you are hanging out again, don’t expect things to be the same. Be more cautious about touching, complementing, or generally spending time with her. Don’t get frustrated. It’s natural that you wish that everything was completely forgotten instantly, but that’s not the way the world works. Act natural. You don’t have to bring up your lie all the time. Just be more cautious without being too obvious about it, and wait for her to trust you again.
Go out of your way to be helpful and supportive. Let her see that you’ll be there for her. Even if you didn’t go watch her basketball games before, show up to watch a few games after school to show that you care. Let her open up and talk to you about her problems. This will show that she’s starting to trust you again. You should be dependable, but that doesn’t mean you should become her lap dog or servant – maintain your own identity while being as helpful as possible. You don’t want her to think that you’re downright groveling, or that won’t be very attractive.
You can casually let her know what you’ll be up to when she’s not around. If you’re going to a baseball game with your friends, let her know, and get her a teddy bear with your favorite team’s logo on it. If you’re going to your uncle’s beach house, send her a picture of the ocean and say you wish she was there. Don’t be mysterious. If you’re hanging out but you have to get going, tell her why. This doesn’t mean that she has to keep tabs on you or stick a GPS locator to your car – it does mean that she has a general sense of what you’re doing so she can trust you. Even if you’re away for a few days, don’t forget to check in. Try to call at least once a day and send her a few texts a day to let her know you’re thinking of her.
Just stay patient and continue to let her know what’s on your mind. This will slowly make her trust you again. You don’t have to tell her everything that you’re thinking, but you should make a conscious effort to be open with her.
If she looks beautiful, don’t be afraid to tell her. Send her flowers or a love poem, if it feels natural for you. Ask her opinion on anything that matters to you, whether it’s your new haircut or current events. Take an interest in her life. Ask her about her family, her latest chem exam, or even show an interest in her childhood.
You don’t have to tell her anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just make her see that you trust her with your personal moments, and hopefully she’ll reciprocate. If you take the time to let her really know you, she’ll appreciate it and will see how sincere you are.
Ask yourself if you feel comfortable in your own skin, and if you feel like the girl is trusting the real you – not some new guy you’ve created just to win her over.
If you feel like you’ve been patient and have given the relationship your all and that your girl still won’t trust you, then it may be best to part ways. If it’s really not working, then you’re better off starting over with someone new – as long as you’ve learned from your mistakes. Once you recognize that it’s really too late, you should move on as soon as you can. This is better than prolonging the pain – for both of you.
