By middle school your teen will likely have had at least one brief sexual education discussion in class. This is a good age range to clarify any biological information or details that may be confusing. When your child reaches high school, you may want to focus your attention on safe sex, including STD prevention.
It is often helpful to talk about potentially uncomfortable subjects in the middle of completing a familiar activity. For example, you might want to initiate conversation in the middle of a basketball game, if you and your child regularly play together. Consider your family dynamic. Some children may be more comfortable having initial conversations with parents, guardians, or a close relative of the same biological sex.
For example, you might say, “You had the sex ed class in school today. Do you have any questions about what you learned? Did anything concern or confuse you?” To gauge what kind of sexual information your child is encountering, try flipping through their favorite magazines. Or, listen to their music.
Also, be aware that you could overwhelm, or scare, your child if you try to lump everything that you want them to know into one talk. Instead, purposefully spread this information out over time, building a relationship built on trust and open communication. [5] X Research source Tell them that you’re available whenever. For example, “If you think of more questions you have, feel free to ask me sometime. "
For example, you might say, “People with a uterus can get periods and can get pregnant once they’re old enough. People with penises could get someone pregnant once they are old enough. ” Consider your child’s age. Many people feel more comfortable using body part nicknames until a child reaches the age of 3 or so.
For example, you could say, “You can get pregnant even on the first time, as it only takes one time for a sperm and egg to join. ” For younger children, you might be more vague, like saying “Two people decide to put their private parts together” instead of describing the details. If your child wants clarification, you can give it, but they may not be interested yet.
You might say, “What are some other ways of showing a person that you love them?” Talk about platonic love. Love that is intimate and affectionate, but not romantic.
You could ask, “Do you have any questions about LGBTQ relationships?” Ensure that your child knows that same-gender relationships aren’t any different from other romantic relationships. They still involve hand-holding, dating, kissing, and watching movies together. And sex is optional, never required. Teach an LGBTQ child about safe sex. LGBTQ individuals still need to practice safe sex, even if it isn’t penis-in-vagina sex or they can’t get pregnant. Help them look up information about safe LGBTQ sex if you don’t know the information. STIs are still a risk, even if pregnancy isn’t. Young children don’t need to know the details of how the body parts fit together. Saying “they rub their private parts together” is usually enough to satisfy a child’s curiosity. Explain asexuality and explain that it is completely okay to be asexual (not having sexual attraction/having no attraction to others).
Explain the importance of permission. For example, “It’s never okay to kiss or do sexual things with a person if they don’t want it. To find out if they want it, you can ask, and see if they say yes. If they’re not sure, or they say no, that means no. " Make sure they understand consent. “No always means no. If someone isn’t interested or asks you to stop, do so. And, if you ask someone to stop, then they should respect your words. ” All genders need to understand the problems associated with sexual peer pressure. Make sure to have this conversation regardless of your child’s gender.
For example, “Sex is a private act, and some people get embarrassed if you talk about sex. If you have questions about sex, or just want to talk about it, you can ask me when it’s just the two of us. "
You might tell a preteen or teen, “The decision to have unprotected sex can have many long-term consequences. Some STDs can stay with you for a lifetime. ” Younger children probably don’t need this information yet. If they ask, keep it simple, like “having the wrong kind of sex can make you sick, so people need to talk to their doctors first and use protection. "
As you look through various books online, you might ask, “Would you like to order a few of these, so that you can look through them on your own as well?” Scarleteen is a website aimed at teens who have questions about sex.
If you are especially nervous, it may help to practice this conversation with another adult before talking to your child. This could prepare you for, at least some of, the awkward moments. Consider bringing the topic up slowly over time so that you and your child both eventually feel more comfortable talking calmly about the matter with one another.
For example, instead of saying, “Don’t get (someone) pregnant,” you might talk with your child about birth control or condoms.
When in doubt, you can always emphasize the natural basis of many of your child’s actions. If they are embarrassed about their actions, you can just say, “That is natural and normal. ”
You can also show that you are listening by bringing up the conversation later on and asking follow-up questions. Try your best to avoid interrupting your child.
