As you breathe, you should start to feel your body calming down. You may have to do this a few times before you start feeling any effects.
You can say something like, “I’ll be right back, I need to use the bathroom. When I get back, let’s talk about this. ” Don’t worry about coming off as rude or impolite. It is much better to step away and “cool off” than to stick around and blow your fuse.
Think of ways to verbalize it so that you can communicate it to the person you’re arguing with. You can say something like, “I realized I was angry because of how you spoke to me earlier today. I wasn’t actually that angry about you not taking out the trash. ”
For example, if your friend forgot to order your coffee frappe with extra whipped cream, just tell yourself that “it’s no big deal, at least they ordered something for you. "
Once you come back say something like, “Okay, sorry about that. Are you still ready to talk?” Be aware that the other person may not be ready to talk yet. If they seem agitated, give them a little more time to calm down.
If you find that you cannot let the issue rest, then this is a sign that it may be something you will need to address.
You can say something like, “So how did the experience make you feel?” You can say something like, “I get why you would be angry. What would you prefer me to do in the future?”
Understanding the other person’s point of view may help you realize that your anger was misplaced and that they really meant no offense. Active listening takes practice. Don’t beat yourself up if you struggle with it at first. Just try your best to listen to what the other person is saying and take mental notes.
Don’t look at the argument from your perspective or their perspective. Rather, pretend that you just walked in on the argument as a stranger. What does it look like to you?
You can say something like, “So what you’re saying is that you don’t like the way my friends talk to you. Is that right?” If you rephrase their side of the argument incorrectly, that’s okay! Give them a chance to re-explain themselves.
You can say something like “Ouch, that hurts my feelings. Do you really mean what you just said?” Make sure to use “I” statements when you express your feelings. This will help to prevent the person from becoming defensive. Try saying, “I feel hurt when I don’t get a say in these matters. ”
If you are the one who is angry, you can smile or maintain a neutral expression. If it’s the other person who’s upset, it’s best to keep a neutral expression. Smiling might make them think you aren’t taking their feelings seriously.
For instance, you can say something like “Yes, I agree, it wasn’t the right thing to do in that situation. ” You can also say, “I understand why you would be mad and I would be too, but that’s not what actually happened. Let me explain it from my point of view. ”
You can say something like, “So how about this? I’ll do the dishes Monday through Thursday and you can do them for the rest of the week. Is that fair?” Compromising is not easy and often requires that you swallow your pride. You may not get exactly what you want, but the outcome should be fair for both parties.
Keep in mind that humor is not always the answer. Try giving the person a smile first. If they react negatively to it, then this may not be a joking matter.
