For example, ask your parents to go on a walk or go for a car ride. This will allow you to have their undivided attention and will give you an opportunity to talk with them about your feelings.
You could also say, “I need to ask you a question and I am looking for some advice on how we can handle this situation better if it arises again in the future. " This way you are communicating to your parents that you value their opinions and want to come to an agreeable solution.
If your parents give you feedback that they kept something from you because they were worried about how you might react, try to be receptive to this constructive criticism. [4] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 February 2022. Being willing to listen to what they have to say can help to improve your relationship and the flow of your communication. Think back on previous times when your parents have confided in you and ask yourself: “Did I keep the secret?” “Was I judgmental about things they told me?”
For example, you could say “Dad, let me know the next time you are feeling pain in your knee that way I can help you with some tasks around the house. "
You can also have someone else who they trust talk with them about this issue, such as a family friend, cousin, or spiritual leader.
For example, if one of your parents has a serious illness they may keep it from you for a while until they know more details. They are likely doing this to protect you, or because they are still processing the news themselves.
If you react to the secret immediately, you may actually make the situation worse. As you take some time away from the situation, you can also call a trusted friend to get some perspective and find out if you are reacting in a reasonable way.
You could say “I understand that you want to stay in your own home as long as possible. In order to do this, I need to know if you need extra help. We could hire someone to clean your house, or have your meals delivered. " Let your parents know that you understand their position and that you want to help them.
For example, one of your parents may have fallen down the stairs and kept this from you because they are worried you will begin to look at them as frail. Let them know that you understand why they left you out, but that in the future they need to tell you, for their own safety. You may need to find a formal way to do this, such as by writing them a letter expressing your forgiveness. Even if you never give them this letter, it can be therapeutic for you to write it.
For example, your parents may confide in you that they are getting a divorce, but ask you not to tell your siblings because they are still young and it might be too hard for them. Alternatively, one of your parents may inform you that they are having an affair and ask you to keep this from your other parent. This information would be hard for you to process and it would be a huge burden to keep that information a secret.
Going to family counseling can also be a helpful way to strengthen your relationships with your parents and improve your communication with them.
