Take a deep breath or two. This will help you to remain calm. Slowly count to five while you make sure you are calm.
Just like reacting immediately, retaliating gives her what she wants. Even though you might want to, don’t reply to rude comments and posts online with mean posts of your own. Avoid gossiping about her later. It may feel good in the moment, but does nothing to solve the problem. [4] X Research source
Just act as though she didn’t say anything. Continue doing what you were doing without giving her a glance. Unless the person is incredibly thick-headed, she will usually leave you alone after being ignored.
Make sure you are calm. Look him in the eyes and use a controlled, confident, clear voice. For example, if a peer insults you, take a few deep breaths and then calmly say, “Stop putting me down. ” With a co-worker, you might try saying, “I don’t like or appreciate how you are talking to me and about me. I want you to stop putting me down. ” If it’s a friend that may not actually be trying to be mean, you might say, “I know you didn’t mean to, but what you said hurt my feelings. Please don’t put me down like that. ”
Some people do it because they are insecure or jealous. They are trying to feel better about themselves by putting you down. [7] X Research source Some do it because they are trying to impress someone or get attention. [8] X Research source For example, the coworker that criticizes your work in front of the supervisor. Others don’t realize they are doing it or just don’t communicate well. For example, the grandmother that says, “That’s a nice shirt. It covers your stomach well. ” Sometimes people aren’t really trying to be mean or hurt your feelings. They may just consider it harmless teasing. For example, a friend that calls you “short stuff”. [9] X Research source
For example, when your brother puts you down it may be annoying. But you know he probably doesn’t mean it and isn’t actually trying to hurt your feelings. You may not even want to address it with him unless it gets way out of hand. But, a co-worker that always makes rude remarks to you that are upsetting will probably need to be addressed. If the insults are discriminatory or happen a lot, the person is crossing the line and should be reported.
If possible, have the conversation in private. This cuts down her need to “put on a show” for other people and maintains the respect of both of you. You might say, “During the discussion you made some harsh comments about my idea. I appreciate constructive feedback, but not insults. Please don’t do that again. ” If she starts putting you down while you are trying to talk to her about it, then end the conversation. If the behavior continues or gets worse, you may need to report it.
For example, “Hahaha. Cut it out, Dumbo ears” is not a good way to tell your sister to stop putting you down. Look her in the eyes and in a calm, serious voice try saying, “Ok. That’s enough. I know you think it’s funny, but it really bothers me, so I’m asking you to stop. ” If she doesn’t immediately stop, tell her, “I was serious when I asked you to stop,” and then leave. She will most likely come after you and apologize. Sometimes those closest to us don’t know when we are serious.
Check with your Human Resources Department at work and see what they suggest on how to handle put-downs from superiors. Talk to him one-on-one, if you are comfortable doing so. It will make the conversation less awkward for both of you. Try saying, “When you call my work silly, it really bothers me. ” Or, “I know I don’t always get everything done, but please don’t call me lazy. It hurts my feelings. ” Tell another adult you trust or the HR department if you aren’t comfortable talking to him one-on-one or if you feel he is putting you down on purpose.
Remind yourself of all your great qualities by making a list of your positive characteristics. Write down what she said about you. For each put-down, write three things that prove the put-down isn’t true. Make a list of all the nice things other people say about you.
Practice deep breathing and meditation to help you remain calm when the person is around you. Practice mindfulness because it can help you with stress and may even help you tune the person out when he is bothering you. Try doing something physical like jogging or going for a swim to release tension.
Tell someone you trust about what is happening. Give her as many details as possible so that she can understand the situation. Ask her for help dealing with the person that is putting you down. This might be as simple as asking a friend to be there with you when you tell the person to stop. It may mean reporting the person to the proper authorities.
Try to socialize and talk with people that uplift you on a regular basis. Don’t just talk about the person putting you down — do something fun!
