If you’re worried about someone reading it, try hiding it somewhere or ripping it up into tiny unreadable pieces over the recycling bin. You can also draft a letter if you don’t think you can handle discussing it face-to-face.
During a long car ride After dinner On a neighborhood walk While doing a simple chore (like folding laundry) together
“I feel left out lately. Sometimes I feel like you’re so busy taking care of the baby that you don’t have enough time for me, but when I try to get attention you yell at me. " “I feel hurt sometimes when I try to make plans to spend time with you and they get canceled, and then I see you hanging out with Arthur. It makes me feel like I don’t matter as much to you. " “I know that Kaja is going through a rough time lately and I’m glad you’re there for her. I don’t know if you realized that I’m struggling too. I would like to be able to talk to you about it, but sometimes I worry that you don’t have time for me. "
“You went to almost all of John’s football games last season, but you only attended one of my volleyball games. Why is that?” “The last time Imani got sick, you were always bringing her food, comforting her, and checking in on her. When I got sick last week, you left me alone. It made me feel like I didn’t matter. " “Lee got to use the car right away when he turned 16. But when I asked, you said no. Did you have a specific reason for that?” “I saw that you gave Olivia an expensive gaming laptop for her birthday. And on my birthday, you gave me a cheap tablet. I don’t mean to be materialistic, but at the same time, I felt let down. "
“Could you please try to show up to more of my games? I feel so happy knowing you’re there to cheer me on. " “I would like to be closer to you. Maybe we could take more walks in the evening? What do you think?” “I understand what you mean when you say you’re really busy lately. What if I kept you company and helped out when you did chores?” “If I helped Annie with her homework more often, would that help give you time for your to-do list so there would be time for us to play games sometimes?” “I agree that Tom’s music lessons are good for him and I’m glad he’s getting them. Would you be willing to consider getting me martial arts lessons? I’d like to learn something too and I’ve always loved the idea of getting stronger and more disciplined. "
If you feel upset by the conversation, then try taking a break and do some deep breathing. Try saying something like, “I will be right back. I just need a few minutes. ” Remember that you can always try again another day if you feel like you weren’t able to get your ideas across.
You can’t change other people. [2] X Research source You can only control your own behavior. Sometimes people are willing to change their behavior. If your parent starts treating you more fairly, accept that this is a genuine choice and be willing to start forgiving.
“Scapegoating” is when people act like something is your fault even though it isn’t. They may even convince you that you’re to blame. Remember that you control your behavior, and that other people control their own behavior. Try visualization exercises. For example, if you think a negative thought about yourself, imagine it written on a balloon. Then picture letting go of the balloon and watching it float away into nothingness.
Work on assertive and non-aggressive phrasing. Think about how your words could affect others and plan accordingly. Let out anger through exercise, journaling, scribbling on and/or ripping up paper, smashing ice cubes in the bathtub, singing to loud music, or otherwise safely releasing emotion. Script assertive phrases like “I don’t like the way you’re treating me” or “If you keep calling me names, I’m going to leave. "
The quickest way to disprove the lie that you have nothing of value to offer is to pursue your hobbies and interests. Work on things that you enjoy and are good at. The more you practice, the more skilled you become. Provide encouragement for yourself. Every day when you wake, look in the mirror and say, “I have a life worth living and many people like me. ” Surround yourself with friend who care about you. Lean on them for support when you’re feeling blue.
Remember, real love is given selflessly, without any expectation of anything in return. Stay far away from cults, gangs, romantic relationships with much older people, and other unsafe situations. While you might feel like someone finally cares about you, that caring can come with danger and/or toxic baggage.
Your parent(s) chose the favoritism. Your sibling didn’t. If your sibling is old enough to understand what’s going on, talk to them about how your parents are mistreating you. Seek their advice and encourage them to speak up on your behalf. Being the favorite child has downsides too. The favoritism may impair their social skills and harm their attitude. They may hide or change who they are in order to keep their parents’ approval, which can hurt their sense of identity. Some of them develop guilt or anxiety problems. [7] X Research source [8] X Research source [9] X Research source
Stay organized. There are many apps available for your phone and tablet to help you better manage your time and keep track of your assignments. The Complete Class Organizer and iHomework are among the best. Attend all your classes and take notes in each class. Ask questions when you are confused or don’t understand something.
CBT is a therapeutic method that helps you confront your negative thoughts directly and identify counterexamples to construct a logical case against feelings of depression. [12] X Research source The goal is to change your thoughts and coping mechanisms to be more helpful. Talk to a doctor or counselor if you think you may have signs of depression.
It’s normal for parents to treat each child a little differently, because each kid might benefit from a slightly different approach. But systematic and repeated favoritism is definitely a problem.
Have punishments and privileges been earned? If one kid breaks more rules, they might get punished more. A kid who acts more responsible might get a few more privileges because they’ve proven they can be trusted. See if the behavior explains (or doesn’t explain) the consequences. Are expectations and privileges age- and ability-appropriate? Older kids might get more freedom and responsibilities because they’re ready for it. But if a younger kid reaches the same age with the same skills and is treated very differently, that might signal a problem. Do the same principles apply to different activities? If one kid has theater performances and one has football games, do parents make an effort to attend both? Are all kids getting decent access to opportunities? Are all kids getting equal access to opportunities that are appropriate for their skills and interests? Does one kid have higher needs right now? Circumstances like illnesses, bullying, disabilities, social problems, and other issues might mean that one kid needs more attention for some time. (Of course, parents should still make time for other kids too. )
Birth order: Firstborn kids might get more attention and praise for being responsible and capable. Younger kids may be treated better because they’re seen as needing more attention. Middle kids may be forgotten. [14] X Research source Personality compatibility: Sometimes people just “click” better with each other. While this may happen in every family, it becomes a problem when it turns into overt favoritism. Genetics: Some parents favor kids who are genetically “theirs” at the expense of stepchildren or adopted children. Gender: Sometimes parents prefer kids who have the same gender as they do. In a patriarchal society, sons may be treated better than daughters. Disability: Some parents may respond harshly to kids with disabilities because they’re seen as being “too needy” or needing to “toughen up. " Other parents may be kinder to their disabled kids for fear that the kids won’t be treated well by the rest of the world. LGBT+ identity: Prejudicial parents may be crueler to kids who come out as LGBT+.
Kids who help a stressed parent more may sometimes become the favorite. Personality disorders can sometimes impact favoritism. Parents with histrionic personality may favor kids who pay more attention or draw attention to them. Narcissistic parents may favor kids who build their ego and reject kids who somehow threaten their ego.
Self-blame won’t fix it if you’re not being treated better. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Even if you’ve made mistakes, your parent is responsible for their behavior. Similarly, the “favorite” sibling hasn’t done anything to be treated better, nor did they ask for special treatment. This isn’t their fault.
Emotional abuse: Name-calling, unfair blaming, silent treatment, shaming, ignoring Neglect: Refusing to provide enough food or clothes, not seeking care when you’re sick or injured Physical abuse: Hitting/kicking/pushing you, restraining you, leaving cuts or bruises on purpose, threatening violence Sexual abuse: Touching in intimate places, showing you pornography, talking about you in sexual ways, or forcing/convincing you to do sexual acts
