Someone with NPD tends to seem uninvested in relationships and tends to react strongly to any perceived criticism. They probably have a history of severing relationships over trivial causes. [6] X Research source If you are determined to maintain the relationship, how do you survive, and remain emotionally intact? Consider avoiding a relationship with a toxic person. If they show a pattern of disregard for you and/or others, it’s probably best to walk away or limit contact.
If your spouse monopolized the conversation at last night’s family reunion and embarrassed you by telling tall tales, chalk it up as water under the bridge. Take a preventative approach before the next gathering, perhaps by arranging for them to sit next to a quiet family member who will greatly enjoy listening to someone else’s exploits. If the issue involves a decision you’ve made, such as not riding in the car with your brother driving if he drinks at the party tonight, state it simply and directly. Feel free to then walk away without trying to justify your decision. That is the behavior you will get from a narcissistic personality so they will understand it—and possibly accept it—better than any emotional plea.
If you cringe when thinking about asking your narcissistic husband to spring-clean the patio and backyard, suggest that he should host the season’s first barbecue. Narcissists see themselves as social leaders, so this type of event provides the audience he craves. Ask his opinion on what needs to be done then offer to ready the house and refreshments for the gathering. Appeal to his muscle in getting the outside ready. Ironically, you might accomplish even more than the spring cleaning you originally visualized by suggesting an outdoor project (i. e. , building a pond, raised garden bed, or outdoor fountain). This would provide him with a bragging point during the party.
Instead, study your subject and learn what is important to them. Then offer them a pragmatic gift of your time or wallet that their perception will translate as a genuine statement of affection.
However, because people with NPD see themselves as fairly flawless,[9] X Research source they tend not to recognize any need to seek counseling or make changes in their behaviors. Psychotherapy can assist in helping narcissistic people learn to relate to others so that they have more rewarding personal and professional relationships. Convincing a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to see a therapist, participate in therapy, and remain in the process until real change occurs, is extremely difficult. [10] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source If someone with NPD seeks mental health help, it is generally to address depression or suicidal tendencies. [11] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source This person will likely be resistant to any discussions of personality overhaul or behavioral modification. There are no drugs to treat Narcissistic Personality Disorder, although treatment may include prescriptions to control symptoms or resultant problems such as depression. [12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Extremely critical parenting: Parenting that is extremely critical can lead to a growing need for the child to seek adoration. [14] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Gushing parenting: On the other end of the spectrum, parenting that is gushing can give a child an unhealthy sense of entitlement or perfection. [15] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source It appears most likely that parenting that combines extreme elements of both coldness and admiration often produces a narcissist. [16] X Research source
Differentiate from antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) by noting whether the person has incidents with the law. Someone with NPD may become verbally aggressive, but they typically don’t become violent or engage in illegal activity, and they usually have good impulse control. [24] X Research source
Contrast this with autism, in which a person typically cares but struggles to understand. Unlike someone with NPD, autistics may spontaneously help others and get upset (sometimes to the point of needing to withdraw) when seeing someone in distress. [28] X Research source Differentiate between the conditions by noticing how the person responds if you explicitly tell them that they hurt someone’s feelings; an autistic person will typically become distressed and concerned, while someone with NPD is unlikely to care.
It once was thought that the exaggerated sense of self-worth in NPD was in compensation for an actual lack of self-esteem. Experts now believe that narcissists are self-delusional in that they actually believe in their own grandiosity. [30] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source They feel entitled to adoration from others, despite any evidence of achievement. [31] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Therefore, people with NPD may overreact, possibly even becoming aggressive, when they feel attacked by even the slightest of criticisms. [32] X Research source Distinguish NPD from borderline personality disorder (BPD) by seeing whether they take criticism to heart. Someone with NPD may get angry, while someone with BPD may also panic and fall into a downward spiral of low self-esteem.
People with NPD often demand that the highest quality possible (“the best”) be expended or produced on their behalf. [34] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
For example, say you’re indecisive and tend to lack self-confidence. If you and the narcissist got into an argument about something they did wrong to you and you call them out on it a few days later, they may deny and dismiss it by saying “Don’t be silly; that’s not how it happened,” knowing that it’ll make you doubt your own point of view.
Some may note a real or perceived flaw in their perfection that leads to depression or moodiness. [37] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Suicidal thoughts complicate matters further.
The person must make this choice for themselves. You can’t change them, and it’s not your responsibility. Don’t waste time trying to “fix” someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with their behavior. Notice if the person is willing to reflect on their behavior, apologize when needed, show concern for others’ emotions, and work on treating other people well. [40] X Research source They can work on learning to behave better. [41] X Research source Take verbal abuse seriously. Nobody deserves to put up with that, so distance yourself if the person mistreats you.
If your wife has NPD, she may not share in your enthusiasm when you get a commendation at work because it doesn’t concern her personally. She may even receive this commendation negatively if she doesn’t get regular atta-girls at her job. Be prepared for a ho-hum response from her. Post a happy note on your social media or call a couple friends who will give you the high-fives you deserve.
Learn to anticipate how they will react given particular circumstances, then set up the scenario to obtain the results you want. Examine how they see you in their world, then try to fit that mold as comfortably as you can. [43] X Research source Don’t bend so much that you break, but manipulate the setting so there’s a happy medium. Remember to employ the grandmotherly maxim given to brides: He’ll do anything you want if you make him think it was his own idea. The better you know and understand your person with NPD, the more likely you can reach beyond the wall separating you to show that you truly care, which will benefit you both. [44] X Research source
In fact, they may appreciate being able to show off to co-workers that you put a love-note in their lunch box. Keep in mind, however, that you probably won’t get any expression of appreciation at home that night. Your expression of caring will meet your own need of giving love without pain as long as you don’t expect them to react emotionally or to reciprocate your gesture. [45] X Research source
