Maintain your own schedule. If you’re not sure how you feel about someone, you should not sacrifice a lot of your own time and needs for that person. While you’re figuring out your feelings, keep up with your own hobbies and social obligations. If you have not yet settled into official relationship status, do not worry. You should not try to push for commitment when you’re still unsure of how you feel, and there is no shame in being in a relationship gray area for awhile. You should also take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, and get adequate rest. Take care of yourself as you normally would.
Make what you value clear. If you like to stay in on Fridays rather than going out, try invite your partner over. See how he or she fits into your world. Keep up with your own interests. If you go to a book club every other Friday, do not stop going even if your partner invites you somewhere else. Make sure your partner supports your interests, and allows you to pursue your own fun and social life. If he or she does, this is a good sign this relationship can fit into your life.
The definition of fun varies from person to person, so pick something you both enjoy doing. For example, if you both love comedy, go see a comedy show together. You can also try inviting your partner to social events with your friends. See if your partner’s presence influences the group in a positive or negative way. Does your partner make social events more fun? Does he or she fit into your world?
If you decide to take a break, set clear boundaries. Make it clear to your partner how often you’ll see each other during the break, if at all, and whether you’ll be allowed to pursue other relationships and sex during the break. Decide if the break has a set end point, or if you’ll leave things somewhat open. Be careful to assess your feelings before getting back together after a break. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. Do you honestly miss the person? Do you feel sad in their absence? Do you feel like you’ve grown as a person while they were away. If so, getting back together can be a good idea. However, if you felt freer and happier in your partner’s absence, it may be a good idea to move on.
Try to focus on the present moment as you express yourself. Avoid bringing up things from the past, even things that are driving your confusing feelings. Instead, focus on how you’re feeling in the moment. For example, “I’ve been having mixed feelings lately about our future. I want to know how you’re feeling in regards to this issue. " Listen as much as you talk. Allow your partner to share his or her feelings with you. Your partner may feel the same way, in which case the two of you will have to assess the relationship’s future. Try your best to genuinely understand what your partner is saying. Ask clarifying questions if necessary. [7] X Expert Source Joshua PompeyRelationship Expert Expert Interview. 27 November 2019. Leave the conversation with an idea of how to move forward. For example, you may decide you want to take a break. You may decide you want to see a therapist together. You may also decide you want to end the relationship altogether.
Even in healthy relationships, mixed feelings may occur from time to time. Do not be alarmed by occasional uncertainty if you decide to move forward.
Think about how you feel about the person in a physical sense. Do you feel attraction? Do you think it’s mutual? If so, there may be potential for a romantic relationship here. Keep in mind mutual attraction should not be the deciding factor. Friends often feel mutual attraction towards one another that is sometimes similar to romantic attraction. For example, you may long for and miss a friend when he or she is gone. Try to evaluate whether the attraction you feel for this person is physical as well as romantic. Do you find yourself laughing and smiling with this person? Do you look forward to dates and get togethers? Do the two of you have similar interests and passions that you pursue together? If so, this could be a good foundation for a romance. If you’re having mixed feelings, however, evaluate whether the fun you have together feels romantic. Friends often make each other laugh and have fun together. If you don’t feel a romantic spark during fun times, this relationship may be better suited for friendship.
Think about longterm goals. Do you and this person have similar ambitions? Do you see a similar kind of future in regards to things like marriage and children? These things are important when it comes to navigating a romantic relationship. If your views differ in these areas, this may be why you’re having mixed feelings. You may be better off transitioning this relationship into a friendship. You should also think about your belief systems. Do you and this person have similar views on politics, religion, moral values? While you can disagree with someone in a romantic relationship, certain shared values are important. If you and this person disagree a lot, this may also be where the mixed feelings are coming from.
Mixed emotions can actually reflect maturity. Rather than polarizing a person as either good of bad, you’re able to see both their good and bad qualities. Sometimes, you love your boyfriend for his spontaneous nature. Other times, you find yourself annoyed that he’s so unpredictable. Try to accept that there will be a degree of mixed feelings in any relationship. If you still want to be with someone, despite mixed feelings, this is actually a good sign. You’re willing to acknowledge imperfections and frustrations, but still want to be with another person.
Have you been rejected in the past by someone important? If so, you may have a chronic fear of rejection. Frequent mixed feelings may be a way to protect yourself from getting invested. Are you an insecure person? If you’re fearful of being abandoned, and do not feel good enough for love or commitment, this will affect almost all your actions. You may have mixed feelings getting into relationships because you’re afraid of getting involved.
Think about your emotional reactions to events in your life. How can someone best support you emotionally? What do you need from another person? It can be helpful to make a list of attributes that are important to you in a romantic partner. Consider whether this person will be able to fulfill these romantic attributes for you.
