“I need some time to cool down. I am going on a walk around the block/go to my room/etc. Can we talk in 10 minutes?" Close your eyes and count to ten, taking a deep breath each time. It only takes a few seconds for your brain to calm down from the initial rush of anger. Listen to music that soothes you. Put on the music, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing to calm down. [2] X Research source
“I’m sorry I forgot to call, that was my fault. " “I shouldn’t have broken my promise, I’m sorry. " “I didn’t mean to yell, I just feel like we misunderstood each other. “[3] X Research source
Try to calmly remind your parents not to interrupt you when you’re talking. If you can keep silent while they talk it will be much easier to ask them to stay silent when you want to speak. “I want to hear about what happened from your side. ” Once you’re able to understand their perspective, you’ll be able to work together to make the situation better. [4] X Research source
“I can see now that you were worried I had gotten hurt when I didn’t call. " “I know that you’re worried I might not have enough time to finish my homework. " “I realize that you’re only upset because you love me and want the best for me. "
“I didn’t know it looked like that. What I was actually doing. . . " “I just want to share my side of the story first. " “I see where you’re coming from, but from my perspective. . . "
If you forgot to stay in touch with them, offer to give up your phone for a week if you forget next time. If they want you to do more chores around the house, come up with a list of chores you’re willing to help out with, and when you can accomplish them each week. If they are intervening with your personal life, ask if you can have a friend or your partner for dinner or a movie so that they can meet them. [7] X Research source
Are your parents really being mean, or did they just make a decision you disagreed with? Similarly, are you being mean, or do your parents just disagree with your decisions? Think about this before losing your cool. [9] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Do not think about this as a list of demands. You don’t want your parents to feel like hostages. Think of a reason for each request. Let them know that a nickname they use hurts your feelings, or that you don’t have time to clean your room because of homework and sports.
“I was wondering if we could have a talk in the living room alone after dinner. " “I have something that I really need to get off my chest. "
Rather than criticizing your parents, use I statements and express how you feel. For example, say something like, “Mom, I feel like you’re dismissing me when you talk to me that way. " You could also say, “Mom, I feel hurt when you yell at me. “[11] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 27 October 2021. If you want them to listen, you need to be willing to listen as well. You may be surprised – your parents may have similar feelings about you. Don’t be accusatory or mean to them – this will put them on the defensive and make them even meaner or angrier.
Don’t sigh or use gestures that show that you are frustrated. Don’t fold your arms or legs– this makes you appear closed off. Don’t doodle, look down at your hands, or fidget with something while they talk. Give them your full attention.
If you want more free time with friends, offer to only go out once your homework/chores are done. If you think you do too much work around the house, show them your schedule and offer to carve out specific hours to do their yard work.
Revisit the conversation 1-2 months down the line. If things are going well, thank your parents for their support and respect– positive reinforcement will work wonders. [13] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Are there ways to help your parents deal with their stress? Maybe doing 1-2 extra chores will ultimately help them relax and make everyone happier. Are your parent’s concerns or “meanness” really a big deal in the grand scheme of things? Are they just in a bad mood because of work, or are they truly cruel? Outside of small incidents, ask yourself if your parents otherwise support, love, and care for you? All parents can get a little angry, but this doesn’t mean they hate you.
Go off by yourself for a few minutes if you’re upset. Chances are good that, in private, you’ll both forget about why you’re angry. [15] X Research source
Thank your parents daily for something. A dinner, a vacation plan, a new softball glove – all that matters is your gratitude. Let your parents know that you love them. A simple but thoughtful card on their birthdays, a quick hug before school, a brief “I love you” before bed here and there – these little things add up and diffuse meanness better than anything else. Apologize when you mess up. Get in front of their anger and own up to your mistake. If you take charge of the situation you give them fewer chances to get angry. [17] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Getting out of the house is a great way to diffuse tension between parents and children. You have your own life to live, and don’t need them to do everything for you.
Constant belittling, bullying, name-calling, or verbal cruelty Feelings of horror or extreme terror in the presence of your parent(s) Feeling violated or unsafe. Beatings, attacks, or serious threats. Sexual assault or abuse. [20] X Research source [21] X Research source
