If you find you still have feelings for your friend’s sister after a few months, then you may wish to pursue it. In the meantime, you may wish to keep your distance and figure out how you feel. Getting over a crush can almost feel like getting over an addiction. Crushes cause the brain to produce dopamine – the same chemical that drives a drug addict’s next high. So if it feels difficult to step back, that’s because it is![2] X Research source
Sometimes people develop crushes on others just because they are around those people frequently. This is called the exposure effect (or the familiarity principle): the more you are around or exposed to something/someone, the more you will like it. If you are spending a lot of time at your friend’s house and their sister is always hanging around, for example, you may start to have feelings for her. Taking a break from seeing the sister will help you to discern if your feelings are genuine. Have your friend come over to your house instead, talk to them on the phone, or hang out somewhere else.
Go exercise at the gym. Go to the library and read. Start a babysitting program. Get a job. Do things for your own self-improvement. Have an active social life. Visit other friends and fill up your weekends with activities and social events. Plan a big party or outing for your friends.
You could say, “This is kind of embarrassing, but I really like Emily. I’ve liked her for a few months now. I thought I’d tell you because I’m not sure what I should do, and I’d like to hear what you think. ” Keep in mind that your friend might have a strong reaction, like “Ew, no, she’s my sister!” or “I’m totally freaked out by this. ” You could respond, “I know how weird it probably is for you. I thought a lot about whether or not I should tell you. But I decided to be honest with you about it, because my feelings haven’t changed. ”
You could say, “I was wondering if you think I should ask her out. But I don’t want to let this get between us and ruin our friendship. I don’t want to do it if it will be too weird for you. ” Give your friend some time to think about their response if they need to.
Keep in mind that later in life, you will likely have a greater regret about losing a friendship than not pursuing a crush. [5] X Research source
If you and the sister break up, your friend may take her side and be angry with you. The sister may not want to pursue a relationship with you if she sees how upsetting it is to her sibling.
For example, maybe she is talking to you a lot, making eye contact and smiling. Those could be signs she is interested in you. [7] X Research source
Talk to her while at your friend’s house. Ask her about her interests and favorite things. Find out what you have in common besides your friend. For example, you could ask “Are you going out for the swim team again next year? Which events did you do this year?” or “I heard you have Mr. Winters for geometry. How are you doing in that class? It was impossible for me. ” Try to get to know her without your friend present, but do not try to ditch your friend to do this. Wait until your friend leaves the room, for example. You may find out that while you enjoy hanging out with the sister in your friend’s presence, you may find that the dynamic changes when you and the sister are alone. For example, you may enjoy the way your friend and their sister tease each other in your presence, but you and the sister do not have that same component to your relationship. Don’t change who you are and what you like to appear more appealing to her. Instead, focus on what you have in common as you get to know each other better.
If she seems to like you, too, take things very slowly. Do not rush the relationship. You do not want to move too fast and cause hurt feelings that could damage your relationship with your friend. If it doesn’t seem like you have a connection beyond just a friendship, stop dating her. Don’t force the relationship to happen. It could complicate your relationship with your friend and their family. For example, you could say, “I really like you, but I think we are better as friends. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I also don’t want to end up hurting your family’s feelings, too. I really like your sibling and think that trying to make this work will just create bad blood between all of us. ”
Balance your time between the sister and your friend. You may want to be spending all your time with the sister, but keep in mind that you were friends with her sibling first. Make a special effort to do things with just your friend. Invite your friend over to your house, without the sister present, to do something that you both enjoy. Keep your relationship with your friend’s sister separate. Do not invite your friend out with you and the sister, for example. [10] X Research source
